2. Describing the problem

Perception and control
In the past, when I played a concert, I couldnít remember afterwards what I did. I was so turned in on myself while playing that I didnít know what was going on. This really has been a big change for me: I now can register things while I am playing, so I can use them for future reference, like ďOh, I am doing that; I can do something about that later.Ē I have much more control of my playing as a result of the project and I am more self assured in my playing. When I play I have influence on what I do. I didnít have that feeling before.

The funny thing is: I recorded some Mozart last weekend because I was studying it again. I also took out an old mini-disk of myself playing the same piece from one-and-a-half years ago. It was so funny to hear the changes in how I played then and now. What I played before was not rhythmical, not in tune, and you couldnít make much sense of it. Now it sounded beautiful: in tune, rhythmical, controlled.

I thought it was normal to have so much tension in my body. If I had been playing the violin in the morning and I was riding home by train in the afternoon I would still feel it. I didnít even relate it to the violin in my mind. Only when I discovered that it could be different did I notice that I had had all this tension in my body all this time.

Now if I feel tension it is so much less than before and it doesnít interfere with my playing. If it does, I stop and do my lie down on the floor and try to figure out what the cause is. Now I wouldnít go on if there is really something wrong. Before I might go on, because I didnít know I could do something about it. Well, I knew one could do something about it because I had done Mensendieck therapy. But I didnít know it could be solved permanently.

Now performing feels more peaceful. When I now go on stage to play I am much less worried than before because during playing I can improve things. If I feel tension I can adjust. I am in control.

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